Productive Town, Blue Teeth, Eyes, and Lies (and Limitations)

Productive Town will be discussed last because that is the topic that is likely to
take the longest to write. Productive Town is a more personal discussion, while Blue
Teeth and Lies pertain to societal issues and Limitations is about a popular belief.
Browse as you please.







Blue Teeth

More commonly known as blue tooth headsets, blue teeth present a very convenient
social excuse. At my job at a local gas station/convenience store, a number of
customers shop and pay while conducting business on their cell phones. I have since
grown accustomed to this display of rudeness because I realize that many of these
people are conducting legitimate business calls (although I doubt any of them are
too busy to wait for or pause that call for the short amount of time it takes to
make and pay for a cup of coffee). However, blue teeth present a different form of
rudeness because it is now somewhat hidden. A call no longer requires the person to
operate with one hand or awkwardly pinch his or her phone on between shoulder and
ear. The person now stands erect and free while still tied to a business call; now
feels not-rude because there is less physical notice of the said rudeness, even
though the actual act is not any less rude.







Eyes (The Contact Of)

Also at my job at a local gas station/convenience store, I have noticed that human
contact is largely illegitimate when eye contact is absent. This becomes evident when
ringing up a customer if eye contact is not established by me. As I take their money
and make their change, if I continue to not look at them, I can feel them looking at
me, waiting for contact to be established. See, kids? Eye contact is crucial! And,
sometimes, there are times when it makes sense to split an infinitive verb!







Lies

Also at my job at a local gas station/convenience store (haha), I have noticed that
society teaches us to lie. (At least this seems to be true for Central Pennsylvania
and is probably also true for the rest of America, at least.) This concept does not
require much explanation, other than a short example:
"Hello."
"Hi, how are you."
"Good, you?"
"Good." (or no response)
This societal lesson of lying is particularly evident when the person offers no
response. Clearly if he or she asked me and does not care enough to offer the same
lie of an answer, he or she could not have possibly care genuinely about the question
or my lie of an answer. We are primed to lie, become accustomed to it, and are likely
to experience less remorse when presented with a real opportunity to provide another.







Limitations

[Saved as a draft text; copied here unedited]
Contrary to popular belief, there are very few limitations in this world. You can do
most anything you want, but it is essential that you want it. Risk? Be wisely safe,
but unafraid. Uncertainty? Learn from others, then your own experiences.
[End]
Perhaps limitations (glass ceiling, etc) are also fabricated by society. Society,
society... we blame it all on society? And remove the personal responsibility? No,
for what is society other than a complicated web of individuals, all with personal
responsibilities?

Anyway, this provides a transition into the next and most important topic because
it is essential that you want it. Even if limitations are a figment of society's
imagination, if we believe them to be real, they are real in their consequences
(see: Thomas Theorem). Even if limitations largely do not exist, one must want to
overcome these imagined limitations in order to be motivated to do so...







Productive Town (and Productivity)

[Excerpts from journal entries on June 10, 2010; edited]
Textbook depression = "little to no interest in the things that have always given
you joy…” People experiencing depression, whether situational or prolonged, typically
reduce themselves to doing nothing else other than working and sleeping. I suppose
they lose interest in everything because activities feel like they would become
scapegoats. If they were to bury themselves in productivity, perhaps they would feel
this to be severe denial - that they are distracting themselves, rather than owning
up to how they feel. So instead, they do nothing so that they are fully aware of
their sadness and sleep so that, on the contrary, they feel nothing. They do nothing
so that they feel and sleep so that they do not feel (because they cannot handle the
depths of their sadness).

_____Supposedly, productivity is injured by sadness. But what if it is the other way
around? What if a lack of productivity creates sadness? Even worse, what if this
absence reveals sadness?
_____Generally, when I am sad, I do experience a loss of interest and a decrease in
productivity. This is to be expected, supposedly. But what if the opposite is true?
When I am sad, I cease to be productive because focusing on being productive would
distract me from my sadness and, in a sense, deny the real issue (unless, of course,
there is no real issue and the sadness is legitimately illogical). When I am sad, I
cease to be productive because I want to attack my feelings, rather than distracting
myself from them.
_____Generally, when people begin to cease being productive, they begin to feel sad.
This suggest that being productive is crucial to being human and, likewise,
surviving. Therefore, a lack of productivity causes sadness.

_____Productivity and satisfaction are inherently connected. Everything is
interrelated, entwined. The connection is visible in Erikson’s eight-stage theory
and I am sure it is obvious throughout the rest of psychology and sociology, as well
as the other social sciences. Trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, identity,
intimacy, generativity, integrity.
_____I’ve said that the foundation of “happiness” is to determine what one wants,
because clearly, what one wants cannot provide any satisfaction unless it is
understood as being wanted. However, it does not stop there because, after
determining what is wanted, it must be produced – achieved, attained, created, etc.
That’s the difference. It’s not just knowing what is wanted, but it is having an
active role in producing the goal.
_____Goal-Setting. It’s not appreciated at first and should be better-communicated
as being very important.
_____One must take an active role in producing his or her own happiness. Far too
many people expect “happiness” to simply fall on their heads or for them to simply
stumble upon it. Unfortunately, this is not how “happiness” works, however you may
define it. It is more than simply deciding what one wants; although I never
explained the second step because I expected it would follow naturally. I see now
that the first step makes more sense when followed by the second step. One must
decide what he or she wants and then take an active role in producing it, whether
this production is achievement, attainment, creation, discovery, or something else.
_____Perhaps what no one realizes is that this productivity may be more fulfilling
than the actual goal that is eventually produced. Maybe. There certainly are
negative effects of repeatedly or continuously failing to achieve a goal. But aside
from that, maybe the productivity really is more important. The feeling of getting
something done may be one of the most fulfilling of all feelings. Not getting
something done, but rather being productive and working toward a goal. This is why I
emphasize “goal-setting” as absolutely crucial to “happiness.” But the goal is
simply preliminary. The goal will give you nothing if you just let it sit there.
Nothing. No work, no reward?
_____Productive.
_____(This is why it is crucial to know WHAT you want to do, so that your
productivity will satisfy you.)










____________________________________________________________________________________

In other news, as a post script (and crooked lines!), fame is completely unimportant
to me and celebrities almost always sicken me, as does the idea of celebrity-ness.
Please do not proselytize me with your excitement. I will be excited for you; for the
fact that you are excited for others, but I will not be excited about the concept,
the reason, for excitement. And, in still other news, I don't feel like explaining,
particularly when I do not fully understand it.

My HOBY Hangover (May 24, 2010)

The HOBY hangover is induced by an overdose of HOBY magic (which creates the HOBY
high) and a severe deficiency of sleep. Recovery is difficult, evident by the fact
that eleven hours of sleep does not fully counteract a person's exhaustion.



Anyway. My HOBY Hangover.



I wrote and saved this as a draft text during Ambassador Reflections on Sunday, May 23.

_____ HOBY is the best kind of therapy.

Many students talked about overcoming severe panic disorders or other such emotional
ailments because of HOBY. I also wrote this:

_____ I've been so busy since school ended that I've not yet had time to readjust to
_____ being home, with my friends who do not understand how much college has changed
_____ me and how little little things matter. My second semester was filled with
_____ negative energy of people who do not appreciate liberal arts and who are not
_____ happy at Bridgewater, the place where I am so so so happy and content, the
_____ place that has the potential to be my utopia school. Their unhappiness infects
_____ my happiness and I do not know how to handle it. The two people that provided
_____ the most positive energy at school are now gone. I have to readjust to them
_____ being gone, I have to readjust to being in negative energy with York people,
_____ AND I have to go through the withdrawal of not being at HOBY.

At Staff Reflections, I lost it when Danielle Guldin talked about the absolute
camaraderie that is alive at HOBY. A newbie, Kate, defined HOBY as an environment
with a general air of acceptance. Rich said that HOBY is the way life should be. The
camaraderie at HOBY is established through the acceptance, which fulfills the basic
human need. This is what we all have in common - we NEED this. This is the way life
should be. We refer to it as the HOBY magic because none of us can fully explain
WHERE this acceptance comes from or HOW it is established or BY WHAT means. Mike said
that nothing really special happens at HOBY; that we are simply getting down to what
is special within each of us. I suggest this something special is acknowledging our
need for other people and having it fulfilled. In regards to the new and uncertain
location, Cathy said that we can make HOBY happen everywhere because THIS is HOBY.
[The building does not matter, we cannot be confined (Taoism).] What remains
indescribable is HOW this something special is acknowledged and fulfilled. What sets
HOBY apart? Perhaps it is the people. Even so, we are all so different...

After Staff Reflections, I was holding it together until Pete came to give me a hug.
I lost it and sobbed in his arms. I figured it was simply because I love HOBY too
much and realized it was nearly over. He said, "I know." Next, Rich came to give me
a hug. When Rich looks at you, you can feel the love he has for every single person.
He released me and asked what was bugging me. I may have said nothing or that I did
not know, but my answer was not sufficient, even though I did not realize it at the
time. This realization came later during Ambassador Reflections. What set it off was
a girl who talked about high school cliques and HOBY. To the greatest extent I have
ever seen and believe to be possible, there are no cliques at HOBY. This is the HOW
that cannot be answered.

I realized that, all too soon, I would have to leave HOBY and that this action would
be so very physically painful. I knew that, when I left, I would have to face the
reality of finally being back home for more than three nights at a time. I wasn't
sure I could handle it. I knew that, when I left, I would have to return to my York-
based cliques - the people who understand me less and less each day. I wasn't sure
I could handle it. I knew that, when I return to school this Fall, the negative
energy of non-kindred spirits will threaten to drown me once again. I wasn't sure I
could handle it. I knew that, when I returned to face this negative energy once again,
the two people whose positive energy counteracted it the most will no longer be there.
I wasn't sure I could handle it.

While my past conditional statements of uncertainty imply that I am now certain that
I can or cannot handle these things, the sad thing is that I remain unsure of my
abilities to cope with my emotionally fragile state. The one thing I am sure of is
that Cathy is right - our location does not matter. HOBY is not a program, but rather
a spirit. The HOBY magic does not have to be confined to Millersville and the third
weekend of May. HOBY does not need to end. Furthermore, I know that I need HOBY to
do just that. I need HOBY to NOT end. So let's not let it. I need you guys. And I
need the HOBY magic that is inside each of you so that my HOBY magic is energized by
your energy and my HOBY high is maintained.

I wish I could have communicated this at Staff Reflections, but my realization did
not occur soon enough for me to share with you in person.

All in all, I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally incapable of fully returning
to the real world. However, the real world demands that I must. In order to survive,
live the dash, and be the best me I can be, I need the HOBY magic to accompany me
back to the places where negative energy abounds. I am scared and I need you guys so
that I can be. Ubuntu.





The HOBY magic still baffles me. We are all so different, but somehow, HOBY brings
our our commonality of needing the HOBY magic (even if we never before realized our
deficiency). But HOW?

Ubuntu.

Uninspired Home

Looking at the list of upcoming topics, I am feeling uninspired to write about any
of them. Perhaps I shall work on one of my books. Throughout the course of this
semester, If I Were a Teacher has become increasingly long.

I fear I may have missed a few that were to be added. I'm sure they will arise with
the negative energy at least once more before I leave here in two years' time.







So, rather than writing about an uninspired upcoming topic or working on my book(s),
I shall write about the upcoming event: Home.



I'm leaving tomorrow. This is unreal.

I'm leaving significantly earlier than everyone else (finals continue through Tues).

I know I will miss them, but I am anticipating returning home simply too much for
that to even be a reality right now.

I expect that, when I return here on Tuesday for Jazz Band, I will regret being one
of the first to leave because I will have missed many proper goodbyes. I fear that
this may become a big problem. :/



But, um, in the irrationality of the moment, I'M GOING HOME TOMORROW.







Apparently, I had less to say about that than I thought.

I really dislike how many "I" statements there are in this post.



Well. Time to work on some book(s).

Aware, etc.

I am aware of the fact that I severely fell behind in posting my written assignments
here. Now that the moments have passed, I am less inclined to post them.

However, I would like to read them someday in order to compile a collection of deep
and profound thoughts that are currently scattered about my papers.



I do, however, recall a few general themes that have arisen in my papers again and
again throughout the semester. I believe I mentioned this in my previous post...

The American Medical System
This topic presented itself frequently in regards to The Sociology of Birth and Death.
I'm not sure what to say on the whole, but these discussion ultimately led to...

Denial
I've been talking about denial EVERYWHERE. Everywhere being both The Sociology of
Birth and Death and The Psychology of Personality. Medical system? Denial. Grief?
Denial. Defense mechanisms? Denial. Catharsis? Non-denial. Denial, denial, denial.
In general, I deeply dislike denial, which is something I've said here before. I do
not believe that denial is healthy in any way, ever. Denial does not resolve the
issue. Denial does not help. Perhaps this is why I have never experienced denial
during my personal stages of grief? Hm.

Reflection
How can I not write about this? Hello, core value!

Public Education
I never realized how deeply interested I am in the public education system. For
Introduction to Social Welfare, we had three assignments that consisted of finding
a recent media article, reading it, and writing a reaction about how it relates to
social welfare. Every article I chose somehow related to public education. NCLB?
Public education. New Pennsylvania budget? Public Education. Teacher repercussions
of school standards? Public education. Absence and truancy laws? Public education.
Even our Think Tank assignment, well my first and incorrect version, was about
community colleges. Public education. At first, this seemed ironic, considering the
fact that I'd been homeschooled my whole life. But, in reality, it makes more-than-
perfect sense. I want to be a youth counselor. I want to work with middle-high school
children. I was homeschooled my whole life. How does this make sense? My unique
education experience gives me a unique education perspective. I previously wrote
about my most ideal job description.

Liberal Arts Education
Unfortunately, this discussion is surrounded by negative energy. I previously wrote
about my most ideal educational environment - Utopia School. I will not restate here.





Another topic that has been on my mind a lot to day is negativity. Well, it's been
on my mind a lot all semester, but today it became even more solidified.

I realized there is a difference between the type of negative energy that has been
bothering me and the type of negative energy that has been bothering those around me.

Those around me are largely bothered by their own negativity, to some degree. In
some way. This may get complicated. Those around me complain about annoying people,
annoying school requirements, annoying food, annoying people, annoying etc, etc.
Those around me are surrounding themselves with negative energy by focusing on things
that are annoying. These things are also largely inconsequential and unimportant.

I am bothered by THIS negativity. I am bothered by the complainers. I am bothered
by the negative energy they focus on, internalize, and carry with them.

(Hm. Complaining creates burdens!)

Furthermore, this negative energy that is focused on, internalized, and carried by
the negative complainers is deeply hurtful for me because they complain about things
that are either inconsequential and insignificant OR important to me.

The superficiality of their complaints and the severity of their negative energy
injures my soul.

"Don't let it injure you, then."

Okay, maybe... but their negative energy is SO powerful. Their negative energy
intoxicates my beautiful environment, making it something that is ugly and hated.

Their negative energy intoxicates my beautiful environment,
making it something that is ugly and hated.

I chose this environment; they clearly did not. I love this environment because I
chose it because I saw the beauty of it; they hate this environment because they
did not choose it because they did not bother with looking for and choosing beauty.

(Caveat: "beauty" here does not refer to superficial, outward appearances)

When they insult this environment, it hurts my soul because I feel as if they are
insulting me. I know I take things extremely seriously, but this is one of my
characteristics and, frankly, it is one that I appreciate.

I am sensitive (in a different sense of the word). When they insult this environment,
it hurts my soul because I feel as if they are insulting me. I know that this could
be expressed better, but I am currently at a loss.











Future topics:

Advice-Giving

Priorities/Decision-Making/Ethical Dilemmas

"Marx Missed Some Things" (archival post)

Stereotypes (Personal Impact)

Counts

Nine days and eight assignments separate me from Summer.

Eight assignments = two papers, one essay, two finals, one take-home final,
one in-class essay final, and one final paper.

An additional school-related activity takes place on Saturday. Volunteering!

Plus one more piano lesson and two more jazzes.







Nine days 'til.

Eight assignments to go.







Nine days 'til home.

Eleven days 'til two months.

Fourteen days 'til Jazz Tour.

Sixteen days 'til home again.

Eighteen days 'til Commencement.

Nineteen days 'til work.

Twenty-one days 'til HOBY.

Twenty-five days 'til official Summer (nothing but Tom's!).







I twittered this yesterday. It probably constitutes my favorite personal
twitter ever in the history of my twitter.

"Approx 9 things remain til freedom. 91 days since the beginning, 78 days
since the knowing, 48 days since the reality, 10 days to go."








Apparently, I really enjoy countdowns (and ups!). This probably explains why
I also enjoy to-do lists.

Perhaps it stems from my new-found deep dislike of denial?





I deeply dislike denial. :)

Happiness and Satisfaction

I dislike the word "happiness," but for the sake of clear communication
with the rest of the world, I shall momentarily put aside my preference
for personal connotation and utilize the word to express the generally
accepted meaning.










Happiness and Satisfaction. It's what everyone seems to be seeking.

It's also what none of them seem to be finding.



As easily-stressed out as I may be, I consider myself to be a fairly happy
AND satisfied person. Especially in terms of relative happiness and satisfaction,
when compared to the overall average of everyone else.

Why?

I am happy and satisfied because I know what I want.



How else can anyone expect to be happy and satisfied? With the exception of
general statements about every kind of negativity possible, there is nothing
I hear people say more than, "I am looking for happiness" or "I am trying to
find happiness."

Happiness is not an object that can be found. This is why so many people
remain unhappy and cannot coherently express WHY they are unhappy.

Happiness is not an object, it is a derivative. Happiness is a derivative
because it must be derived from something, whether it be possession, person,
or place.

One does not simply "find happiness," it simply is not possible.



It is absolutely impossible to be happy without first knowing what exactly
will satisfy you.

It is absolutely impossible to be satisfied without first knowing what
exactly will make you happy.







I feel like I have not said this enough.

But really! This is the problem! People are unhappy because they simply
have not taken the time to define what they believe can have the power to
bring them happiness.







I certainly understand that there are other causes for unhappiness, but
this is the most fundamental one.

Another chief cause of unhappiness occurs when a person does know where his
or her happiness would potentially be found, but cannot reach that place.

For instance, the person that wants to find happiness in a high-paying job
cannot achieve happiness because of a lack of job openings or the requirement
to work his or her way up the employment ladder.



How to cope with this? How to be happy when happiness is being blocked?



Steady happiness (joy, fulfillment) cannot be found within such impermanent
(shallow) things like money and jobs because of their changing nature.

Therefore, for a more steady happiness (joy, fulfillment) to be achieved, one's
goal should not rest in such impermanent (shallow) things, but rather a more
steady and unchangeable goal.







For me, these steady and unchangeable goals are very humanitarian in nature.

Sanctified and selfless compassion
Altruism
Balance and moderation
Catharsis
Non-proselytism
Empowerment
Empathy
Non-complaining
Responsibility
Outspokenness
Positive attitude
Integrity
Synergy



These steady and unchangeable goals can be achieved anywhere, regardless of
job status or current wages; regardless of living condition or current situation.

When one's life is focused on such "higher-callings," the superficiality of
material things is revealed and a concern with "happiness" fades away.








That was a weak conclusion. My apologies.

Upcoming topic: Advice-Giving.

Ideas and Aspirations

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes & revelations




It's weird how those words sound so much more beautiful within
the context of the song, when they are communicated by the voice
of Matthew Bellamy.







Hopes and expectations, ideas and aspirations... ...dreams.







My Idea.

In considering why school is currently making me unhappy, or
rather why I am currently unhappy with school, I decided that
it has a lot to do with the concept of this being a Liberal
Arts school.

I wholeheartedly enjoy the Liberal Arts philosophy. I consider
myself to have had a Liberal Arts life through homeschooling.
I like it.

There are two different kinds of people here at Bridgewater; two
very different kinds of thought processes, learning styles, and
general philosophies of life.

There are the science-thinkers... chem, bio, math, comp, etc.

There are the thought-thinkers... socio, psych, eng, rel, philos,
educ, etc.

Bear in mind that there sometimes is some overlap, but...

These different kinds of thinkers consequently have extremely
different opinions about the Liberal Arts philosophy. The science-
thinkers tend to view Liberal Arts as an unnecessary and painful
burden. The thought-thinkers adore the Liberal Arts and view it
as inherently invaluable.



Therefore... in order to create the best kind of school at which my
kindred spirits and me would thrive, there needs to be a Liberal
Arts school that only offers thought-based majors, such as sociology,
psychology, english, religion, philosophy, education, and so on.

This would be my utopia.

Certainly, there would still be a chance for a small percentage of
students to be unhappy (because I have met some science-thinkers that
are thought-thinking majors), but this is why the admissions process
would have to be stricter.

A lot of the issues I see at Bridgewater have to do with the lenient
admissions process.

There is a difference between lenient admissions and lenient education.
Bridgewater has lenient admissions, but its education is not necessarily
overly lenient. Just because my utopia school would have a more trying
admissions process does not mean that its degree of difficulty would be
too much to handle.

My Idea: Utopia School.











My Aspiration.

Recently, a common theme has been arising throughout my educational
assignments and educational thoughts.

I always end up talking about school.

NCLB, Pennsylvania State Budget, Community Colleges, etc, etc.

Apparently, aaaaaaaPAREntly, I am very interested in the public
education system. ...isn't that odd.

Ironic, sure. But it's an issue I'm particularly interested in
because of my unique experiences. It makes sense to me. Reform from
the inside-out, lol. It really does make sense, though, in regards
to what I really want to do... youth counseling, specifically
simply allowing kids a place where they are listened to by someone
who demonstrates compassion, empathy, and empowerment.

:)

Just like hospitals need to employ a hospital chaplain or hospital
counselor to talk with and listen to dying patients (because the
doctors and nurses deal with it every day and would be too emotionally
distraught to discuss such heavy topics each day at work), schools
need to employ a counselor to talk with and listen to students (because
teachers and principles have other priorities to which they must attend).

I know there are Guidance Counselors, but I feel like they mostly deal
with educational planning, not life topics.

I know there are School Psychologists, but I'd rather hold off on the
requirement to get my Doctorate.

It seems to be like there should be a third position to discuss life
topics and LISTEN TO THE STUDENTS.

What I expect might end up happening is that I become employed as a
Guidance Counselor and create my own guidance counseling philosophy of
integrating compassion, empathy, empowerment, and listening into my job
description of initiating educational planning.

My Aspiration: Within-School Counseling.