Personal Responsibility

I know I just posted a day or so ago, but I have time and I'm going to keep writing
while I have time. It feels too soon to post again, but I have more things to say and
I'm going to keep writing if I have more things to say.

On a side note, PDP is annoying in regards to the fact that it is very difficult to
learn and practice something if one is already skilled in that particular area. It
seems illogical to say, but if it's a skill that, to you, feels like second nature, it
is terribly painful and difficult to go through the time-consuming steps of a curriculum
designed to teach that skill that, to you, feels like second nature. In other words, it's
really difficult to slow down and think through a process that comes so easily.







Anyway.

Personal Responsibility

According to Dan Pink and The Adventures of Johnny Bunko, there are six keys to success:
1. There is no plan
2. Think strengths, not weaknesses
3. It's not about you
4. Persistence trumps talent
5. Make excellent mistakes
6. Leave an imprint

To me, the seventh Bunko principle could be: Be personally responsible.

Many things are within your control. Thus, to some extent, you are responsible for
them. Even if it is an area where other people or institutions have some influence,
if you are involved in such an area, you should take every liberty to be involved
and be responsible for how that area influences you (and your happiness!).

I'm being vague because the only example I can give will be overly obvious.

Essentially, you cannot blame an institution when you clearly had the time and
necessary resources available to avoid the issue that occurred. You certainly had the
opportunity to check and double-check and double-check again to make certain the the
institution had done its part. If you had, you would have seen the mistake, been able
to correct it, and avoided this entire mess.







I am so tired of so much.

Upcoming topic: The Seven Intelligences

Far Too Complicated

Social networking sites such as Facebook seem to be dissolving into something useful,
but altogether shallow. A Facebook user was once able to write a finite amount of prose
in regards to his or her likes and interests. Now, Facebook utilizes a different profile
design that forces users to limit themselves to the confines of "pages" that they can
"like." These strict and simple lists now compose the Likes and Interests Section,
where there was once a greater degree of personal expression.

When this profile change was made, Facebook automatically tried to strain and filter
my personal prose of expression into such a strict and simple list. This was not easy
for Facebook to do. When I realized this was about to happen, I copied my entire Likes
and Interests Section because, as a writer, I take everything I have created quite
seriously and consider it all to be a collection of linguistic works of art, whether
real writing, journal entries, blogs, school notes, or Facebook-related items.

These new Facebook confines are common across the vast sea of social networking sites
and I believe they are far too confining. They are far too confining and they will
end with negative consequences. Perhaps most likely latent (maybe!), but negative.




Anyway. I guess this mostly has to do with an idea that is common within areas of the
Social Sciences. I apologize that I do not recall the precise term for this, but I
had Gen Psych and Intro to Socio during the Fall semester of my Senior year. I feel
like that was a long time ago. Today, I shared my fear of not remembering the basics
of my concentrations with Dr. Hayes and she reassured me that it will not be a problem.
Anyway. There's a Social Science idea (due to my taking Gen Psych and Intro to Socio
at the same time, such ideas blend together and cross department lines) that suggests
people become what they are expected to be. I believe this is mostly Labeling Theory
and is a Sociological idea, but Psychologists probably have some similar idea.

Anyway. Social Networking profiles do not allow a person to express how deep he or
she truly is and, applying Labeling Theory, if a person is treated as shallow, simple,
and uncomplicated, that is what that person is likely to become.

As I began to realize this, I began to become disgusted with the idea of a strict and
simple list within my Likes and Interests section. In order to defend against this, I
deleted the entire section. My About Me section remains as in-depth as the word limit
will allow, but I added an opening sentence of: "I am much more complicated than this."
In all honesty, I would much rather boycott the whole philosophy of the social
networking system and delete my profile altogether, but I cannot emotional bring
myself to do so, due to my severe social interest in so many other people and desire
to be easily connected to their life events, even if those life events are watered
down by the limits of such a social networking site.



I have also been considering complexity in regards to my personality as I consider
the idea of a potential romantic relationship, so that I will be somewhat prepared
when such an opportunity presents itself. Lately, I have been feeling more and more
complex and I fear there may be no one to complement my kind of complexity or at
least understand it to the point of my satisfaction. I do realize that this sounds so
wholeheartedly arrogant, but necessity and preference is important to consider, as
long as one does not create an image of the ideal. Generally, considering personal
complexity has been quite disheartening. Perhaps I will conclude such a complementing
complexity is unlikely to exist; unlikely enough that it ceases to be a necessity.



I'm not going to go into this deeply at all, but what if the changes to social
networking sites in regards to the watering down and simplifying of profiles is NOT
latent and the negative consequences are actually completely intended? What if the
minds behind social networking sites want us to feel simple and shallow so that we
become as such?



That's all for now.

Upcoming Topic: Personal Responsibility/Independence (tied to Non-Complaining!)

This is Not the End

The chorus of The Bravery's song, This is Not the End, goes like this:

Not even earth can hold us
Not even life controls us
Not even the ground can keep us down
The memories in my head
Are just as real the time we spent
You'll always be close to me, my friend
This is not the end




In my own way, according to my circumstances, I feel like I understand this more now.

It's a matter of specificity when it comes to communicating such an ending event.

This is not THE end.

This is THIS end.









I feel myself becoming increasingly concerned with such minute linguistic details
and wonder if it has the potential to eventually get me in trouble with other people.

Probably.

One-Liners

Clearing out some stuff in order to perform an exorcism upon the Kimmel Gene, I've
been sorting my many notebooks and have come across some philosophical and/or poetic
pieces worthy of pride.

(Note: The Kimmel Gene is a family term, referring to the familiar tendency to hoard.)







The things you love aren't real at all.

I wish you could see the world through my eyes.

How can I trust you when I can't find the ground?








In other news, if I weren't such a tactile person, I would consider hiring a typist
to archive everything I've ever written in any of my many notebooks.

But that would be completely unsatisfying because of my kinesthetic learning style,
as well as my ever-increasing OCD tendencies, which would have to be largely ignored
since much of what I have written, I failed to notate with a date including the year.

http://www.learning-styles-online.com/overview/






In other news, I really am beginning to realize the style of writing I most prefer.
I like the rhythm that's created when I write a run-on sentence and read it too fast
in my head. There's a place past run-ons that sounds like mewithoutyou and, if I
don't reach it, at least Flobots.

This explains why I use too many words. Too many? No such thing!

Very Old Short Story (so far)

_____This short story is based upon a dream. According to the notebook where I began to write it, I did so on February 16. I began writing it before I had realized my composition dates required the year to be included. I began writing it back during the time I did not capitalize my sentences.
_____I had not finished writing it because I thought the general concept of the story was far too ridiculous to even take seriously. I am now determined to finish it and I hope the years that have passed have not eroded the memory beyond repair.

_____I apologize greatly for any blatant errors or examples of terrible writing syntax that are certainly evident in this piece. As far as I can tell, it was written February of 2004. This is only the roughest of drafts, copied straight from the notebook, so it will be edited before I continue with the plot. It greatly excites me when I see obvious similarities between this and more recent writing of mine. I know it's weird; just think how I must have felt after I dreamed this! Oh, and that blank space in the first section after "passionately"? That's actually how it was written in my notebook. Apparently I didn't know how to write about kissing. lol.

____________________________________________________________________________________


_____It was a beautiful day. Bright, sunny, and cheerful, she decided to go down to the beach. As she traveled along the shoreline, she noticed a man sitting under an umbrella and almost fully clothed. He certainly was out of place on the warm beach. Although she was extremely curious, she kept walking. As she went past, she had the feeling that he was staring right at her. She felt his eyes penetrating her body. She was young and very beautiful. She shuddered at the thought that he might be a stalker. She quickened her step and continued for a little while more when she decided to turn back. She had forgotten all about the man under the umbrella until he was within sight. She tried to force herself not to look at him, but he was so unusual. She kept her eyes locked on the lifeguard chair in front of her, but he was looking at her again. He seemed to be studying her, as if she was important to him, as if she was what he was looking for. She closed her eyes and hoped for her safety, but something was calling her to him. She glanced at him and his eyes met hers. She immediately looked away. She didn’t know what he wanted or what his problem was, but she had to find out. Against her better judgment, she steered herself toward him. She thought a trace of pleasure flashed across his face, but she convinced herself it was just an illusion. As she continued toward him, she attempted to gather her thoughts. But as she studied him, all sense and logic escaped her. He appeared older and looked as if life had treated him unfairly. She blinked away the wave of compassion that had struck her as she started to speak to him. He smiled, almost cynically, and all words stopped.
_____What’s wrong with me? He’s just some perverted hobo sitting on the beach. Why in the world did I approach him?... she thought. He looked as if he wanted to stand to greet her, but somehow she knew that he could not. She kneeled in the sand and brought herself to his level.
_____“You’re perfect.” He smiled. She felt herself blush as she was flattered, even though she should have been frightened. “You’re absolutely perfect.” He leaned forward. “I need someone to support me in everything I do. Someone young and beautiful and confident and smart and you’re perfect.” She was flattered. “I need someone to back me up. I need you. I need you to help me…” She was puzzled. “…with this.” He pulled up his pant leg, showing his twisted leg that had been mangled by some disease. She winced. “It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt me, but it makes life all the more difficult. I’m sure you know how hard life is to begin with.” She did. Somehow, he had seen through her sky-blue eyes to see her past, filled with pain.
_____“There’s only one way to fix this.” He pointed to his leg. “And I’ve found it. I know you’re trustworthy and now I need you to trust me. I need you to follow me and support me.” She nodded. He started to stand, but it looked like he wouldn’t make it. She stood and offered to help him. He refused. He slowly succeeded and he then looked deep into her eyes. She didn’t know what it was about him, but she felt herself falling in love. She did not care about his outer self or his looks or his age. There was something more important inside. As she finally composed herself to speak, she studied his light hazel eyes. She leaned close and confided, “I don’t know what’s happened, but I don’t care. I love you and I always will. I’ll follow you anywhere and I’ll do anything.” He put his hands on her waist and moved toward her. She grew tense for a moment, drew back, but then relaxed and let him advance as she started to long for his kiss. When his lips finally met hers, she passionately _________. He drew her to himself and she leaned on his embrace.

_____They pulled apart and he took her hand as he started to walk along the beach. They continued to the very end of all the swimming areas when he stopped. She looked at him questioningly as he turned toward the open ocean. She didn’t understand what he was doing so she turned to him, turned his head with her hand, and kissed him again, He smiled a smile that told her everything would be fine. She swallowed her nervousness as he stepped toward the water. He kept walking, even as the waves washed over his shoes. She let go of his hand when she realized he wasn’t going to stop. He turned his head and encouraged her to keep going as he continued. She watched as the man she loved walked out to sea. When she remembered her promise, she forced herself to follow him. He slowed and waited for her, as if he knew she was far too scared to keep walking alone. She was confused, yet she trusted him. She hurried to catch up as he waited patiently. When she was beside him, she took his hand and they both started walking. She began to speculate what his magnificent healing plan was. Was he planning to drown himself? Or was there something beyond her imagination that she didn’t understand? She dreadfully hoped that his solution did not involve death. When she forced herself to stop thinking about it and stop assuming things she didn’t know, she realized he had stopped. “We’re here,” he said, “Are you ready?” She began to ask for what, but before she could, he dove under the water. She didn’t know what was happening, she didn’t know what he was thinking, she didn’t know where he had gone, and she didn’t have any idea what she had gotten herself into. She shook her head, ashamed of ignoring her better judgment, as she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and gracefully dove down. Expecting to run into the bottom, she opened her eyes. She thought the salt water would burn her eyes, but for some reason it didn’t. As she adjusted to the dim light under the water, she saw a bright blue glow straight in front of her in the distance. And a little ways ahead, she saw a figure swimming toward the glow. She knew she wouldn’t be able to catch up to him, so she instinctively shouted “Wait!” The blurry shape stopped moving and turned around. She recognized his friendly face and he started swimming toward her. Now that she wasn’t alone, she breathed a sigh of relief. She stopped suddenly as she realized she was able to breathe underwater and that she had been for some time.

_____She didn’t know what was happening to her and she started to hyperventilate. When he saw that she was struggling to accept what was changing, he rushed to her side at a speed that she knew was humanly impossible, especially with his disability. He told her that everything would be fine if she just trusted him and that they’d be fine if they just stayed together. She knew that, but she couldn’t force herself to believe what was happening. Seeing that she was still unsure, he drew her close in an embrace that settled her deepest fears and doubts. She took a few deep breaths and made herself think that it was always this way and that she just hadn’t accepted it. This way, she could swallow her unsureity [sic] and follow him through whatever approached her. He invited her to keep following him as he began to swim toward the blue glow. As he pulled away, she did not move. He turned back to her and asked if she was okay. She nodded, as she quickly began toward the same blue.
_____When they were closer to the blue light, she could see the faint outline of a complex city-like structure. She immediately thought that this man had found Atlantis and she laughed at the notion. The idea that they had both lost their minds. She began to think that that theory made the most sense. As she shook the silliness that had entered her mind far away from her, she realized that they had stopped right at the edge of the glowing blue abyss.
_____“Are you ready?” he questioned. Again, she wanted to ask for what, but she wisely answered with a simple yes. He assured her that they would all love her, just as much as he did. She frantically said, “They? Who are they?” He put his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t worry, they’re just like me.” Even though she was still confused, hoping to forget all that she didn’t know, she leaned forward and kissed him. “Everything will be fine; trust me.” And she did trust him, but she was still afraid. He took her hand and he stepped into the blue light. He seemed to instantly change, but she did not know into what. He was swept over by a wash of blue color, but there was something else different. She figured that the only way to find out was to follow him, so she closed her eyes and moved forward. She then realized that whatever changed him would change her as well, but she thought of that too late and when she opened her eyes the changes that she saw in him had to be the same as the changes she felt in herself. He asked if she was okay and his face was the last thing she saw before all went black.

_____Her head throbbed with the blank memory of what had happened. She tried to blink away the pain, but it just wouldn’t go away. She sat halfway up and saw a tall, blue figure that was unfamiliar. He spoke to another behind him saying, “She’s up. You better come here. She doesn’t look too good.” She laid back down and tried to convince herself it was all a dream, but memories of the beach and a blue haze and that familiar face that she loved told her otherwise and it was all too real.
_____A strong hand gently touched her shoulder as a beloved voice urged her to wake up. She slowly opened her eyes to see his face, which was the same, yet vastly different. He put his arm behind her back and lifted her up. “You’re okay, right?” She nodded. She was confused and dazed and very much out of it, but this was the choice she had made and, whatever exactly that entailed, she had to endure it.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Fireflies and Insincerity

The beautiful words I have crafted thus far. I'm going to work on the very old short
story I mentioned previously.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fireflies and Insincerity 06-25-10

I'd like to leave a silent voicemail.
About the fireflies over the field
and in front of my windshield.
Then I would be as insincere as them and they as me and you.
As insincere as you and me and everything you want to be.

Thinking Styles and Careers

I have a career/personality test that I need to complete. It seems extremely
extensive and I'm a little apprehensive... about beginning it and having to
finish it.

Apparently I am now a rapper.







I've been thinking about poetry a lot lately and how I would like to practice my
word-crafting skills. I'd like to be able to write a piece free from meter and
rhyme and, most importantly, storyline. I want to form beautiful sentences from
beautiful words to create beautiful concepts that don't particularly lead anywhere.
I simply want to capture a feeling. I have a feeling this piece is going to start
out about fireflies and insincerity.







I've also been thinking about the concept of careers. In general, I could easily say
that I completely disagree with the American view that one's life must be defined
by a certain career. But you know me and you know I don't like blanket statements...

(as a side note, I found a very old short story I once began and soon gave up on and
I have not stopped thinking about how much I want to finish it, even though the basic
plot has probably largely been lost...)

The basic problem I have with the American concept of career is that a career is a
far too tangible thing to be the center focus and definition of a person's entire
life. But that's the American Dream, isn't it? Pick a career, go to school, and live
that career. Forever.

Oh, hey, fear-of-commitment.

Instead, I believe the focal point and primary definition (master status!) of one's
life should be something more intangible. It seems to be that the less intangible,
the more readily attained, achieved, and maintained; perhaps because things less
tangible are more open to interpretation and broader definitions?

I do not deny that I have an ultimate career goal. (see previous post(s) about the
importance of goal-setting) This ultimate career goal of mine is youth counseling,
whether as a school guidance counselor or otherwise. There is available proof that
this is my ultimate career goal because it is written in the headers of my plan of
major and plans of minors. However, this tangible goal does not act as the defining
status of my life because it is motivated by less tangible core values. It is these
values that I allow to act as the primary definitions of my life.

Today, I was asked what I first think of when I think of "success." I'll admit, as
an individual who has been enculturated with the American belief system, my first
reaction was "money." While I admitted this to the surveyor, I first responded with
my real answer of what I want to think of when I think of "success":
Achieving a purpose or goal. Or even just working toward that goal. Making progress
and being motivated to being productive in some way.
I was then asked to clarify what success means to me personally:
Youth counseling. Establishing camaraderie. Acting with compassion. Etc. And having
a white baby grand piano at some time. :)

These are those core values that I allow to act as the primary definitions of my
life, among others:
sanctified and selfless compassion
altruism
balance and moderation
catharsis
non-proselytism
empowerment
empathy
non-complaining
responsibility
outspokenness
attitude
integrity
synergy
productivity
motivation

The bottom line is this (and I will try to be as concise as possible)...
If one's ultimate career goal is motivated by any such core value, that career goal
can and should be attained, achieved, and maintained at all times, even before that
specific training is completed or the title is received.

(that's really the main thing... it's not about the title...)

Even though my ultimate career goal is youth counseling, the core values that act
as motivators and can be achieved regardless of where I am, the training I have
completed, or the title(s) I have received.



So, after I concluded this, I was thinking about other examples of career goals and
how the core values that should motivate them could be achieved at all times during
one's life.

I only ran into a problem when I began thinking of more "technical" careers... the
more tangible titles... electricians, mechanics, doctors, chemists, etc.

While these careers certainly still have room to be motivated by core values (finding
solutions, fixing and preventing problems, discovering new things, etc), the core
values are somewhat restricted by the more tangible and technical nature of such
career goals.

[enter, the difference between science-thinkers and thought-thinkers]
----------------------------------------------------------------
There are two different kinds of people here at Bridgewater; two
very different kinds of thought processes, learning styles, and
general philosophies of life. There are the science-thinkers...
chem, bio, math, comp, etc. There are the thought-thinkers...
socio, psych, eng, rel, philos, educ, etc.
Bear in mind that there sometimes is some overlap, but...
These different kinds of thinkers consequently have extremely
different opinions about the Liberal Arts philosophy. The science-
thinkers tend to view Liberal Arts as an unnecessary and painful
burden. The thought-thinkers adore the Liberal Arts and view it
as inherently invaluable.
...
Certainly, there would still be a chance for a small percentage of
students to be unhappy (because I have met some science-thinkers that
are thought-thinking majors), but this is why the admissions process
would have to be stricter.
[excerpted from "Ideas and Aspirations" - April 11, 2010]
----------------------------------------------------------------

So, even though both science-thinkers and thought-thinkers theoretically could be
motivated by the same core values, the way the express and demonstrate those core
values through their ultimate career goals would be inherently different.

In regards to career and personality tests, I believe this may be the most important
starting point.

Are you a science-thinker (more tangible) or a thought-thinker (less tangible)?

Oh, hellooooooo, Thinking Styles Continuum.

If a science-thinker tries to fit into a thought-thinking-shaped hole, chances are
he or she will be quite unhappy.

If a thought-thinker tries to fit into a science-thinking-shaped hole, chances are
he or she will be quite unhappy.

All in all, even though I am obviously biased toward thought-thinking aspirations
and science-thinkers are likely to experience more difficulty in achieving happiness
because of the more tangible nature of the ultimate career goals they are most likely
going to be inclined towards, the world most definitely needs science-thinkers to
balance the thought-thinkers and ultimately find solutions, fix and prevent problems,
and discover new things.

The most important thing may be to know what kind of thinker you are so that you will
be aware of the specific challenges with which you will most likely be faced.











Upcoming topic: Career Changes and Starting Over