Feb 8, 2012 12:13am
I want to journal, but do not want to handwrite, so…
I’ve been feeling bored, overwhelmed, apathetic, and stressed all at the same time. I think a lot of this comes down to the fact that my attention span has diminished severely. I find it impossible to focus on one thing, with the exception of while I am in class. I’ve been listening to music constantly and have created the most perfect Pandora radio station. Rather, a shuffle of three stations: dance club, fast dance, and dubstep. I also found a site called top rave songs. I will make my own rave. This past weekend, at least twice, I stopped myself from being ridiculously over-tasked. But I sincerely wanted to listen to music, read, and watch a movie all at the same time. How did I expect to be able to do that? Perhaps I desire to keep myself occupied. And this desire to be over-tasked and distracted only further compounds my struggles with my attention span. This past weekend, I was working on some reading, only to keep interrupting myself every ten or so minutes by checking Facebook or using Stumbleupon or so on.
I feel entirely overwhelmed looking at my calendar and so many of my moments are booked full. One of my friends requested that I ask for help in some way and I said all I really need is more moments in the day so that I can go see my counselor. Monday was fairly full, although I still made time for a two-hour nap. Wednesday will likewise be packed. Work 8-10a, TB results 10a, breakfast, class 11-11:50a, class 12-12:50p, lunch?, volunteer orientation in Harrisonburg 4p, tutoring 5:30p. Oh boy. But that’s okay. During Monday, I realized that maybe what I need is to be kept busy. Maybe that’s what my over-tasking was trying to achieve. Alone in the apartment all weekend, I tried to keep myself busy with the internet, but it didn’t quite work. I didn’t fully enjoy it and I did not keep myself busy with anything particularly productive. Although I did go to an excellent basketball game and a good super bowl party. This brings me to my next two concerns.
I don’t fully enjoy things. I painted tonight and I think I realized part of the reason why I don’t fully enjoy things. Most obviously, most of what I do is school. Therefore, most of what I no longer enjoy is school. This is particularly worrisome and stressful for me because I am such a conscientious student and have always fully-enjoyed school, even if it is a series of hoops. But school, conscientious schooling, involves a fairly high degree of meticulousness. I don’t exactly fully-enjoy piano, but that is nothing new, since I have never liked to play piano when I am even minimally upset. Outside activities (i.e., pretty much anything that gets me out of the apartment and around other people) are probably the most enjoyed. Again, probably because it is a form of distraction. I painted tonight. It was a fairly meticulous painting and, all the while I was painting it, I felt anxious and frustrated. It was too meticulous for my current mood, current life position, and current understanding of the world. I feel messy. I don’t fully enjoy things that require conscientiousness. This stirs anxiety because I need to be conscientious about school. So far, so good, I believe. That will come later.
I don’t feel particularly productive. I have forgotten what I wanted to say about this. I’m getting my work done and, so far, it’s been getting done well. As far as daily assignments (regular reading, mostly), I’ve been staying about a day ahead. As far as additional small assignments, I am further ahead. And larger assignments? I have been brainstorming.
So, after all of that, I have two main worries. I’m not sure how much I actually want to say about these. First, that of money. this is my last undergraduate semester and I want to fully enjoy (lol) it with some semblance of sanity. Sheesh. This means that I want to go out for my birthday and I want to go to local dubstep and other live shows. Attainable. I am going to the International Students for Liberty Conference next weekend. Attained. The only obstacle left is budgeting enough for gas money. Second, I need to be resilient enough so that I am functioning well enough by the time I leave for graduate school. Graduate school is largely tied to my monetary concerns. I will most likely be looking into on-campus graduate housing. And yes, I looked at those graduate school scholarships and marked them as important for the near future. The deadlines are far enough away as of yet.
The other main worry that I now understand is that it is less about my depression or my questionable mental stability and more about the fact that the trauma has severely impaired my coping skills. What this means is that any minor drama or conflict feels like way too much for me to handle. I have two recent examples and one current example of this. Confidentiality. Similarly, reading the emotionally-charged book, 9 Highland Road, for class is too much for me to feel. What must be done, must be done. It’s a really good book, it just makes me cry and/or induces a panic attack.
Along this same line is the fact that there is no way I could handle a costly crisis if it were to arise in the immediate future.
Lastly, my memory has also been severely impaired, although it seems to come and go in waves. Maybe when too much of my brain is struggling with trying to cope with ridiculousness, it gets worse? On Sunday I made a note card for the whole week and a note card for each day. Tonight, I added to today’s note card just so that I could accomplish some tasks between dinner and sleep.
Whew.
As far as school goes?
Biology
I’ve stopped reading for this course because everything that I had read was thoroughly discussed by the professor through his PowerPoint presentation and there was no reason for me to get the same information so many times. When I had been reading, I would mostly doze in class. Now I don’t read and pay attention in class. Perfect. We’ve had some reading quizzes. No big deal. We had a written assignment to redesign a poor study of the Atkins diet. I threw around terms like standard deviation. No big deal. We had an assignment to practice making a concept map to answer the question, “Who am I?” The minimum was ten concepts. I didn’t count mine, but just my genealogy was twenty-three. So, way more than twenty-three. When the professor returned this assignment to us on Monday, he told me that he was going to keep mine for another day so that he could photocopy it as an example of an excellent concept map. Holla. What? The assignment that is due Friday (which I may or may not have completed already) was to listen to an hour long radio segment about bioengineering and write a reaction-reflection paper in response to it. My favorite line that I wrote said something like, “Why do we need to create new species when we cannot even keep the ones we already have from going extinct?” Cheeky.
Biology Lab
Eh. Too much time, not enough credit. What else is new. We’ve eaten popsicles and are currently growing bacteria to test next week. We have to do a semester research project, for which I am partners with a Psychology major, so we are doing a study of a Psychology topic that relates to Biology. The hardest part for me will be keeping it simple.
Comparative Politics
I’ve come to love the non-structure of this course. The readings are minimal, so that’s nice. Theoretically, I wouldn’t have to read for this course, but the professor is just a tiny bit too scatter-brained for me to feel comfortable relying on his PowerPoint presentations and lectures. Our first assignment was to design a brand new state. The values I emphasized were collectivism/interdependence, harm-reduction, and stewardship. For collectivism/interdependence, I want a regime that would make decisions only through consensus, which would require compromise until every citizen was willing to submit to the decision in question. For harm-reduction, I want laws like Amsterdam that are only concerned with the prevention of harm to self and to others. For stewardship, I want a local food network, so that food would not have to be transported or ripened artificially. Our second assignment was to outline the formation, strength, and performance of a particular state, using our textbook, the failed states index, and the human development index. My assigned country was China. We will present this information on Wednesday and turn in the written portion on Wednesday or Friday. Guess when I am turning in my written portion.
Public Mental Health
This is probably my most stressful course, not in regards to workload, but in regards to course content. There’s not really much else to say about this course, as we’ve only had one miniscule graded assignment. On a weekly basis, we must submit a chapter outline and five multiple choice questions written for the chapter in order to evaluate our having completed the textbook reading. These are due on the Friday of each week. I have had mine done by Monday so that I can bring a printed copy to class and take notes on that. The précis/integration exercise model of reading notes and in-class note-taking is the best. Thanks, other professor.
Community
This course is with that (précis) professor. The capstone course for Sociology majors, I love it. For the three self-guided papers we have to write, I will be discussing community in regards to 1) spontaneous community vis-à-vis HOBY, 2) spatial proximity vis-à-vis dorm vs. apartment vs. house, and 3) community transition vis-à-vis moving from high school to college. For my final project, I will most likely be constructing a scrapbook of my three years at Bridgewater, which will be integrated with a content analysis of this scrapbook.
Interventive Methods and Social Work Practice
Not much to say about this course. My reading quiz answers today were pretty much fluff. They made sense to me, although I did not use the textbook terminology, so we shall see. For this course, I will be completing twenty hours of volunteer/shadowing work at a nearby age-integrated day care center.
Library Work
Same old, same old.
Tutoring Work
Same old, same old.
Piano and Jazz Band
Same old, same old.
I’m hungry. Time for bed. 12:59am.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Thought-Book 01
I'm going to start a thought-book. Inspiration has been hitting me a lot lately and I
fear the possibility that these instances will result in a jumble of scribbled notes.
I'd like it to be physical, but it won't be. Instead, I will keep scribbled notes and
periodically post them here so that they are collected.
I wish I were smart in the way that I could be unorganized, but know exactly where
everything is. That would be so cool.
Today's inspiration was the fact that I want to write a politically-dystopic story.
Although I do find my politics class fairly annoying, it has provided this inspiration
and some necessary information for it to be realistic/believable.
In class today, I started this thought-book entry...
Proportionate election --> corrupt party leaders working together
Consensus government --> corrupt moderators? --> an AI to be the objective moderator
Eliminating racism --> (spoiler removed!) --> new shade clans
Bartering economy --> people horde storehouses of "currency" --> new banks, loans
Balance and moderation values --> apathy, the extreme are shunned
Globalization --> ?
Job distribution system? --> Huxley-like color system? (predetermined)
Polity? --> ?
Style/Voice:
Narrative manuscript found later by an anthropologist (too cliche?)
Written by descendent of founders
"We can't do this. We failed."
(ending spoiler removed!)
(ending spoiler removed!)
" Stories exist. The details are sketchy and inconsistent. Non of them have been confirmed."
You guys, everything is in my head and I need to get it out sufficiently before I forget it!
I continue to be aware of my mental instability.
fear the possibility that these instances will result in a jumble of scribbled notes.
I'd like it to be physical, but it won't be. Instead, I will keep scribbled notes and
periodically post them here so that they are collected.
I wish I were smart in the way that I could be unorganized, but know exactly where
everything is. That would be so cool.
Today's inspiration was the fact that I want to write a politically-dystopic story.
Although I do find my politics class fairly annoying, it has provided this inspiration
and some necessary information for it to be realistic/believable.
In class today, I started this thought-book entry...
Proportionate election --> corrupt party leaders working together
Consensus government --> corrupt moderators? --> an AI to be the objective moderator
Eliminating racism --> (spoiler removed!) --> new shade clans
Bartering economy --> people horde storehouses of "currency" --> new banks, loans
Balance and moderation values --> apathy, the extreme are shunned
Globalization --> ?
Job distribution system? --> Huxley-like color system? (predetermined)
Polity? --> ?
Style/Voice:
Narrative manuscript found later by an anthropologist (too cliche?)
Written by descendent of founders
"We can't do this. We failed."
(ending spoiler removed!)
(ending spoiler removed!)
" Stories exist. The details are sketchy and inconsistent. Non of them have been confirmed."
You guys, everything is in my head and I need to get it out sufficiently before I forget it!
I continue to be aware of my mental instability.
Monday, January 30, 2012
School Update?
I'm bored. It's 8:42am. And I'm bored. Also, I feel heavy. Not sure why, but that is
the best word. Somewhat fatigued, exhausted, but mostly heavy. I slept nine hours,
maybe that's why.
Not much school has occurred for me to make an update.
I forgot how boring weekends are. I like college because of the high likelihood of
seeing people and getting happily distracted, but pretty much no one is here on
weekends. I may or may not miss living in a dorm. And by may or may not, I mean I do.
This post is just turning into grumpytown, isn't it? Apologies.
I've been learning how to do finger waves. I may experiment with that this weekend.
There was a time when I was able to get my hair to do something similar on its own,
with no product whatsoever, but I don't quite remember how or why. I need someone
to show me how to do pincurls because the written instructions do not make sense.
And it's pretty unclear what I'm supposed to do with the back of my hair after making
finger waves on the sides. It'd be nice to have long hair, but I just can't do it.
My shower has water pressure equivalent to rain, which makes hairwashing quite
bothersome.
Grumpytown, grumpytown, grumpytown.
Anyway. In spite of not much school having occurred... (ew, grammar is weird)
Biology 100 aka baby bio
I pretty much know this stuff or have come in contact with it previously through
Envirothon, Human Biology at PSY, other academic experiences, and paying attention
to the outside world. So far, we've "learned" about what science is, the scientific
method, concept-mapping, and chemsitry (to the extent of types of bonds, carbohydrates,
lipids, proteins, and nucleic acid). Our homework for Wednesday was redesigning a
poor test of the Atkins diet and I threw around some terms like standard deviation.
This professor needs to know that not all of his students are Freshmen. So, Biology
is okay, aside from the fact that it will most likely take up more time than it is
worth with reading, homework, pre-labs, and labs. Similar workload to Geology, but
potentially less capitivating because it is not novel information. Lab starts today.
Our topic is the scientific method.
Comparative Politics
This course has the potential to be enjoyable, but it is currently uncomfortable
because it is the first time the professor has taught an honors section of this
particular course and he is thus fairly unorganized. i.e., the grading section of
the syllabus includes essays and tests, but the calendar section only includes
scheduled readings. Oh, dear, coattails course. There are eight students total in
the course - two art majors, two business majors, a history/polisci major, a physics
major, a biology major, and me. But seriously, knowing what is expected of me, but
not when it is expected of me is pretty uncomfortable.
Public Mental Health
In spite of not having attended this course as of yet, I already like it. Good
professor, good material, good assignments and organization therof, and some good
classmates (that I know of; I'm sure I'll discover more when I actually go to class
tomorrow morning). We have a book report due on March 1 and for that I am reading
9 Highland Road, which is a casual analysis of a group home in New York. The prof
said it would be a good idea to start reading while there is time at the beginning
of the semester and I am already halfway done. This course will also be interesting
in that it is making me constantly aware of my own possibility of mental instability.
Don't overreact, readers, I'm fine, it's just weird.
Community
Yay! Sociology capstone course with all of my Methods classmates, what could be
better? The only thing I am worried about with this course is the possibility of
people not keeping up with the readings, which will be detrimental to discussions.
The paper assignments are also fairly daunting because there are no prompts of any
kind. But it could be pretty cool to have all that freedom.
Interventive Methods of Social Work Practice
I am calling this course SW Methods because its real title is far too long. I am
enjoying this course as far as the assigned reading material (although I do need
to compare my previous edition to the assigned edition to make sure chapters and
exercises are compatible), but the professor is fairly unorganized and does not
give off an aura of knowing what is going on. So that'll bother me. Another component
of the course is to complete twenty hours of volunteer/shadowing work. I may look
into working at John Wayland again, although I would like to do more hands-on work
than I did there before.
Piano Lesson
Seriously, anything with Dr. Taylor is awesome.
Jazz Band
As usual, I have to get used to sight-reading and playing jazz style again, but I
am looking forward to it. Our pieces include Take Five, Cotton Tail, and Power Surge.
Take Five is in 5/4, which is the best. I was just reminiscing about the two pieces
we did during 2009-2010 that had odd time signatures and how I would like to do them
again. Tada! Cotton Tail is one of those pieces that looks easy, but isn't. Thanks,
Duke Ellington, for having a really weird piano-playing style that doesn't quite fit
in with the rest of the band in predictable ways. And Power Surge is going to take
a lot of time to be broken down and learned because it is just so darn fast. Really.
Eighth note, sixteenth rest, sixteenth note is weird to play at quarter note = 160.
We have another piece, but I don't remember what it is.
Sorry if all of this sounded super grumpy. I didn't intend it to.
the best word. Somewhat fatigued, exhausted, but mostly heavy. I slept nine hours,
maybe that's why.
Not much school has occurred for me to make an update.
I forgot how boring weekends are. I like college because of the high likelihood of
seeing people and getting happily distracted, but pretty much no one is here on
weekends. I may or may not miss living in a dorm. And by may or may not, I mean I do.
This post is just turning into grumpytown, isn't it? Apologies.
I've been learning how to do finger waves. I may experiment with that this weekend.
There was a time when I was able to get my hair to do something similar on its own,
with no product whatsoever, but I don't quite remember how or why. I need someone
to show me how to do pincurls because the written instructions do not make sense.
And it's pretty unclear what I'm supposed to do with the back of my hair after making
finger waves on the sides. It'd be nice to have long hair, but I just can't do it.
My shower has water pressure equivalent to rain, which makes hairwashing quite
bothersome.
Grumpytown, grumpytown, grumpytown.
Anyway. In spite of not much school having occurred... (ew, grammar is weird)
Biology 100 aka baby bio
I pretty much know this stuff or have come in contact with it previously through
Envirothon, Human Biology at PSY, other academic experiences, and paying attention
to the outside world. So far, we've "learned" about what science is, the scientific
method, concept-mapping, and chemsitry (to the extent of types of bonds, carbohydrates,
lipids, proteins, and nucleic acid). Our homework for Wednesday was redesigning a
poor test of the Atkins diet and I threw around some terms like standard deviation.
This professor needs to know that not all of his students are Freshmen. So, Biology
is okay, aside from the fact that it will most likely take up more time than it is
worth with reading, homework, pre-labs, and labs. Similar workload to Geology, but
potentially less capitivating because it is not novel information. Lab starts today.
Our topic is the scientific method.
Comparative Politics
This course has the potential to be enjoyable, but it is currently uncomfortable
because it is the first time the professor has taught an honors section of this
particular course and he is thus fairly unorganized. i.e., the grading section of
the syllabus includes essays and tests, but the calendar section only includes
scheduled readings. Oh, dear, coattails course. There are eight students total in
the course - two art majors, two business majors, a history/polisci major, a physics
major, a biology major, and me. But seriously, knowing what is expected of me, but
not when it is expected of me is pretty uncomfortable.
Public Mental Health
In spite of not having attended this course as of yet, I already like it. Good
professor, good material, good assignments and organization therof, and some good
classmates (that I know of; I'm sure I'll discover more when I actually go to class
tomorrow morning). We have a book report due on March 1 and for that I am reading
9 Highland Road, which is a casual analysis of a group home in New York. The prof
said it would be a good idea to start reading while there is time at the beginning
of the semester and I am already halfway done. This course will also be interesting
in that it is making me constantly aware of my own possibility of mental instability.
Don't overreact, readers, I'm fine, it's just weird.
Community
Yay! Sociology capstone course with all of my Methods classmates, what could be
better? The only thing I am worried about with this course is the possibility of
people not keeping up with the readings, which will be detrimental to discussions.
The paper assignments are also fairly daunting because there are no prompts of any
kind. But it could be pretty cool to have all that freedom.
Interventive Methods of Social Work Practice
I am calling this course SW Methods because its real title is far too long. I am
enjoying this course as far as the assigned reading material (although I do need
to compare my previous edition to the assigned edition to make sure chapters and
exercises are compatible), but the professor is fairly unorganized and does not
give off an aura of knowing what is going on. So that'll bother me. Another component
of the course is to complete twenty hours of volunteer/shadowing work. I may look
into working at John Wayland again, although I would like to do more hands-on work
than I did there before.
Piano Lesson
Seriously, anything with Dr. Taylor is awesome.
Jazz Band
As usual, I have to get used to sight-reading and playing jazz style again, but I
am looking forward to it. Our pieces include Take Five, Cotton Tail, and Power Surge.
Take Five is in 5/4, which is the best. I was just reminiscing about the two pieces
we did during 2009-2010 that had odd time signatures and how I would like to do them
again. Tada! Cotton Tail is one of those pieces that looks easy, but isn't. Thanks,
Duke Ellington, for having a really weird piano-playing style that doesn't quite fit
in with the rest of the band in predictable ways. And Power Surge is going to take
a lot of time to be broken down and learned because it is just so darn fast. Really.
Eighth note, sixteenth rest, sixteenth note is weird to play at quarter note = 160.
We have another piece, but I don't remember what it is.
Sorry if all of this sounded super grumpy. I didn't intend it to.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Last First Day of College
And what am I most stressed about? Picking my seats for the entirety of the semester.
Well, not really, but let's stick with that. Haha.
MWF
8-10am LIBRARY
11-11:50am Biology of the Natural World
12-12:50pm Comparative Politics, Honors
(1-3pm Biology Lab, Mondays only)
TR
8-9:15am Public Mental Health
11am-12:15pm Community
12:30-1:45pm Introduction to Methods of Social Work
3:30-4:30pm JAZZ BAND
And I have to schedule piano lessons, also. I'm hoping for maybe Mondays at 10am,
so that Mondays can be my bad day? Or Wednesdays at 1pm, but I'd rather not have
piano lesson on my first day. Heh.
So, expectations?
Biology: Yay, Freshmen and busy work. Phhbbbt, not.
Comparative Politics: No expectations.
Public Mental Health: Yay, good professor!
Community: YAY, SOCIOLOGY MAJORS!
Social Work: Based on previous Social Work courses? Bleh.
Jazz Band: Who knows!
Piano: Who knows!
Although, I do know that I've played piano about five times in the past month. Oops.
Yawn. I am looking for a nap already. I exchanged no fun and an early bedtime for
a lot of fun and a somewhat early bedtime. Completely worth it. Nap time in 3.5 hours.
First, breakfast, some errands, class, and class. Maybe lunch. Then unpacking and
organizing and satisfying my OCD tendencies. And nap! Nap nap nap!!
Well, not really, but let's stick with that. Haha.
MWF
8-10am LIBRARY
11-11:50am Biology of the Natural World
12-12:50pm Comparative Politics, Honors
(1-3pm Biology Lab, Mondays only)
TR
8-9:15am Public Mental Health
11am-12:15pm Community
12:30-1:45pm Introduction to Methods of Social Work
3:30-4:30pm JAZZ BAND
And I have to schedule piano lessons, also. I'm hoping for maybe Mondays at 10am,
so that Mondays can be my bad day? Or Wednesdays at 1pm, but I'd rather not have
piano lesson on my first day. Heh.
So, expectations?
Biology: Yay, Freshmen and busy work. Phhbbbt, not.
Comparative Politics: No expectations.
Public Mental Health: Yay, good professor!
Community: YAY, SOCIOLOGY MAJORS!
Social Work: Based on previous Social Work courses? Bleh.
Jazz Band: Who knows!
Piano: Who knows!
Although, I do know that I've played piano about five times in the past month. Oops.
Yawn. I am looking for a nap already. I exchanged no fun and an early bedtime for
a lot of fun and a somewhat early bedtime. Completely worth it. Nap time in 3.5 hours.
First, breakfast, some errands, class, and class. Maybe lunch. Then unpacking and
organizing and satisfying my OCD tendencies. And nap! Nap nap nap!!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Fixation Age and Comparisons
I hate sleeping. And, I mean, I might as well not sleep while I can. I was awake on
a regular basis last night and slept well for only the last two hours or so, so why
bother going to bed now? I'm just not in the mood. I might as well not sleep while
I don't have to get up early. Once I'm back at my internship, it'll be 9pm bedtime
for me. Yawn.
In other news, I've finished my PDP paper. I'm not really a fan. Eh. It's okay, I guess.
But you all know that I have mixed feelings about PDP as a program in regards to how
it is applied and executed. I'm all for reflexivity, but it is exponentially more
difficult and less fulfilling when it has to be confined. Really, when you think
about it, that's just silly. Confined reflection? Nonsense.
Nonsense is becoming an overused word in my vocabulary. Also, additionally. And
consequentially and subsequently. I need more words.
I also think I'm beginning to be able to articulate what I want, but I don't know
who I should tell, if anyone, yet. I'll write that out and save it somewhere secret.
This is old news, but apparently I deleted a collection of saved conversations and
they are forever gone. I regret that.
What I really want to write about is fixation. Also, how I want more people to read
my blog. Also, how much I hate facebook. I don't even have enough respect for the
company to capitalize it anymore.
Fixation.
Also, how a day without cell phone service is torture.
Fixation. Fixation. Fixation.
No, what I mean is fixedness.
Fixedness. Fixedness. Fixedness.
In Psychology, there is a term called functional fixedness. This refers to the
inability to think outside the box and invent non-typical uses for a typical object.
Generally, children are better at such creative use of objects because functional
fixedness has not been concretely adopted. For example, a child is more likely to
use a toy truck as a hammer when he or she has no hammer, but an adult will search
and search for a hammer when he or she could use a screwdriver or a plank of wood.
I propose that there are a number of different types of fixedness and that they are
probably becoming increasingly concrete.
Image fixedness. Have you seen the new white Coca-Cola cans? They're promoting the
salvation of the polar bear or something, but I've heard numerous people complain
about how the white can creates the expectation of diet soda. I'll admit, I thought
the same thing when I first saw one sitting on our kitchen counter: "Who bought
diet soda?"
I'm not entirely satisfied with the term image fixedness, because it leans more
toward brand fixedness and relates to those short online quizzes where the aim is
to correctly identify common logos. Our local paper does something similar every
once in a while.
That's why this would potentially work so well:
Source: http://www.xkcd.com/993
Expectation fixedness is another type that I thought about the other day, but I don't
remember how to explain it. I think it had something to do with being so fixated on
a particular expectation that any deviation from that is nearly life-shattering.
Here's a fun example. All those kids that are heart-set on abstinence until marriage?
That's their expectation fixation. And maybe they mess up, maybe only a little. If
their expectation fixedness was so severe, it's likely that their whole self-concept
will be damaged so greatly that it will require a great deal of long-term healing.
I wish I could remember my original example. It was better.
The types are probably endless. Time fixedness, plan fixedness, people fixedness...
The bottom line is that people are far too inflexible. Absolutely, concreteness is
important and necessary, but absolute concreteness is absolutely not. Balance and
moderation, my friends.
Is it just me or do I say the same thing(s) in every single post I write?
Lesson fixedness.
Hah.
In regards to comparisons, this will be a short lesson. Maybe.
I've heard it said that, if you're feeling down about your life circumstances, that
you should take a few hours and volunteer in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter
because it will make you feel better about where you are in life. Eh, okay.
I've also been told, when I'm venting about something specific, that "at least you
have [topic I was venting about]." For example, say I have a drippy shower that
always makes noise and wastes water. A typical disadvantage comparison might be to
say, "At least you have hot water and a shower to complain about." Eh, okay.
Neither of these work for me. And I don't think they should.
For the first, if your main motivation for volunteering on behalf of those that are
more disadvantaged than you is to make yourself feel more humble about your own
advantage, you're not doing it right. Okay, yeah, if that gets some people out there
to begin with, that's good. Okay. But I really do think a lot of the impact will be
missed if that is the main goal.
For the second, I just really don't like these types of comparisons. To me, it's like
comparing a potential romantic relationship to a previous romantic relationship. It
really shouldn't and can't be done because people are so spectacularly different that
any comparison will have little to no worth. It might make you feel better, but it
doesn't really help. Similarly, I have been told such disadvantage comparisons in an
effort to make me feel more grateful for what I have. But, in all honesty, they don't.
The most blunt way to say it is that my immediate reaction goes something like this:
"Okay, but I don't care about that right now. I want to sift through my own problems
because they are present and real to me at this point and time. I don't need to be
distracted by the greater disadvantagement of others right now because I'm stressed
about this immediate situation."
And it's 1:14am. It realy bugs me that this timestamp is wrong.
a regular basis last night and slept well for only the last two hours or so, so why
bother going to bed now? I'm just not in the mood. I might as well not sleep while
I don't have to get up early. Once I'm back at my internship, it'll be 9pm bedtime
for me. Yawn.
In other news, I've finished my PDP paper. I'm not really a fan. Eh. It's okay, I guess.
But you all know that I have mixed feelings about PDP as a program in regards to how
it is applied and executed. I'm all for reflexivity, but it is exponentially more
difficult and less fulfilling when it has to be confined. Really, when you think
about it, that's just silly. Confined reflection? Nonsense.
Nonsense is becoming an overused word in my vocabulary. Also, additionally. And
consequentially and subsequently. I need more words.
I also think I'm beginning to be able to articulate what I want, but I don't know
who I should tell, if anyone, yet. I'll write that out and save it somewhere secret.
This is old news, but apparently I deleted a collection of saved conversations and
they are forever gone. I regret that.
What I really want to write about is fixation. Also, how I want more people to read
my blog. Also, how much I hate facebook. I don't even have enough respect for the
company to capitalize it anymore.
Fixation.
Also, how a day without cell phone service is torture.
Fixation. Fixation. Fixation.
No, what I mean is fixedness.
Fixedness. Fixedness. Fixedness.
In Psychology, there is a term called functional fixedness. This refers to the
inability to think outside the box and invent non-typical uses for a typical object.
Generally, children are better at such creative use of objects because functional
fixedness has not been concretely adopted. For example, a child is more likely to
use a toy truck as a hammer when he or she has no hammer, but an adult will search
and search for a hammer when he or she could use a screwdriver or a plank of wood.
I propose that there are a number of different types of fixedness and that they are
probably becoming increasingly concrete.
Image fixedness. Have you seen the new white Coca-Cola cans? They're promoting the
salvation of the polar bear or something, but I've heard numerous people complain
about how the white can creates the expectation of diet soda. I'll admit, I thought
the same thing when I first saw one sitting on our kitchen counter: "Who bought
diet soda?"
I'm not entirely satisfied with the term image fixedness, because it leans more
toward brand fixedness and relates to those short online quizzes where the aim is
to correctly identify common logos. Our local paper does something similar every
once in a while.
That's why this would potentially work so well:
Source: http://www.xkcd.com/993
Expectation fixedness is another type that I thought about the other day, but I don't
remember how to explain it. I think it had something to do with being so fixated on
a particular expectation that any deviation from that is nearly life-shattering.
Here's a fun example. All those kids that are heart-set on abstinence until marriage?
That's their expectation fixation. And maybe they mess up, maybe only a little. If
their expectation fixedness was so severe, it's likely that their whole self-concept
will be damaged so greatly that it will require a great deal of long-term healing.
I wish I could remember my original example. It was better.
The types are probably endless. Time fixedness, plan fixedness, people fixedness...
The bottom line is that people are far too inflexible. Absolutely, concreteness is
important and necessary, but absolute concreteness is absolutely not. Balance and
moderation, my friends.
Is it just me or do I say the same thing(s) in every single post I write?
Lesson fixedness.
Hah.
In regards to comparisons, this will be a short lesson. Maybe.
I've heard it said that, if you're feeling down about your life circumstances, that
you should take a few hours and volunteer in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter
because it will make you feel better about where you are in life. Eh, okay.
I've also been told, when I'm venting about something specific, that "at least you
have [topic I was venting about]." For example, say I have a drippy shower that
always makes noise and wastes water. A typical disadvantage comparison might be to
say, "At least you have hot water and a shower to complain about." Eh, okay.
Neither of these work for me. And I don't think they should.
For the first, if your main motivation for volunteering on behalf of those that are
more disadvantaged than you is to make yourself feel more humble about your own
advantage, you're not doing it right. Okay, yeah, if that gets some people out there
to begin with, that's good. Okay. But I really do think a lot of the impact will be
missed if that is the main goal.
For the second, I just really don't like these types of comparisons. To me, it's like
comparing a potential romantic relationship to a previous romantic relationship. It
really shouldn't and can't be done because people are so spectacularly different that
any comparison will have little to no worth. It might make you feel better, but it
doesn't really help. Similarly, I have been told such disadvantage comparisons in an
effort to make me feel more grateful for what I have. But, in all honesty, they don't.
The most blunt way to say it is that my immediate reaction goes something like this:
"Okay, but I don't care about that right now. I want to sift through my own problems
because they are present and real to me at this point and time. I don't need to be
distracted by the greater disadvantagement of others right now because I'm stressed
about this immediate situation."
And it's 1:14am. It realy bugs me that this timestamp is wrong.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
PDP Woes
Okay, so first of all, I just spent a good ten minutes on thesaurus.reference.com
and finally decided to use the word woe. I started with qualm, investigated
perturbation and scruple, explored ennui and lugubriosity, and decided on woe.
And it's still not really what I mean. What I mean is closer to anxiety, but not
the kind that includes physiological arousal. Maybe despair would be better.
PDP Despair
As I sat in front of a blank word document, trying to begin outlining my senior
reflective essay, I felt conflicted about a variety of issues - primarily two - and
decided that I would rant a bit via my blog so that my reflective essay did not
turn into a critical commentary on the nature of PDP.
So I'm going to try and get those thoughts out first, here, so that my reflections
about the effectiveness of PDP do not interfere with my reflections about MY
personal college experiences.
First and foremost, I simply do not know what to write about. It's not that I lack
material from which to draw, but it's that I am undecided about what I want to talk
about. I don't know how much information I want to dispel. I don't know just how
personal I want to get. I don't know how honest I am comfortable with being. The
solution that I settled upon in regards to this is that I will pick a few topics
for each section of my outline and simply write. Whatever happens, happens. In
short, I figure that if I write about it, I'm comfortable enough with it. And if I
don't? Then I'm not. But even so, I know that I probably won't be entirely comfortable
while I am writing it. And maybe I'll write about that.
Secondly, the four pillars of PDP are horrendous things. HORRENDOUS. HORRID. They are:
Intellectual Growth and Discovery
Citizenship and Community Responsibility
Ethical and Spiritual Growth
Emotional Maturation and Physical Health
Aside from the fact that the fourth pillar is clearly two very different categories
that are disguised as one, the pillars simply aren't helpful. To my understanding,
the whole point of PDP is to encourage people to become more reflective throughout
their day-to-day experiences and over the course of their lifetime. Okay, that's
fine, I totally agree with that. Clearly, I love being reflective (and reflexive*,
for my Sociologist friends!). But the pillars aren't helpful. For a lot of reasons.
The pillars are too restrictive. There are a lot of deeply influential experiences
that I have had that don't quite fit into one of these specific pillars.
And this is more than a simple issue of having four categories that are mutually
exclusive but are not exhaustive (hello, more Sociology terms!).
SIDE NOTE: Oh my goodness something crazy just happened that I have to talk about
it now, in real time as I'm writing because it's crazy! So I requested a new laptop
charger cord because my cord is becoming frayed and doesn't always make a connection.
I'm currently at work at the library and I guess there was static buildup in the
carpet or something because I heard a sound like a crinkly plastic after-dinner
mint wrapper and looked down to realize that the somewhat frayed section had minor
sparks! SPARKS, YOU GUYS. So, my laptop is now unplugged and I will definitely be
keeping it asleep and unplugged overnight and while it is unattended, so as not to
start any fires. Goodness! ANYWAY.
It doesn't just bother me that these four categories are not exhaustive. It primarily
bothers me that I feel tied down to these pillars. Okay, so PDP is supposed to help
us be reflective. Awesome. The problem is that, even if someone is usually reflective
throughout his or her day, those reflections are not going to be couched in terms
of these four pillars. Instead, such ongoing and spontaneous (reflexive*, perhaps?)
reflections are going to be couched in terms that are broader so that these new
lessons can be broadly applied to life in general.
I would argue that people are naturally reflective beings. Placing them into boxes,
pigeon-holes, and tracks or tying them to pillars goes against this natural flow.
P. George would probably agree with me. He's talked about increasing freedoms because
he believes that truer learning is possible in an environment that has greater freedom.
PDP will probably mostly die in the next year or two, but I wish it wouldn't. It
needs restructured, which has happened poorly in the past two years. PDP simply
needs more freedom. As P. George admitted, many students will absolutely squander
this freedom. But what about the ones who won't?
What about the ones who won't?
Also, I think it would be REALLY most effective if students had to write a reflective
essay at the end of each semester. That way, they could reflect about each course
instead of having to choose at the end of their four years. It would also be a better
way to see semester-to-semester shifts and changes and to make connections across
semesters. Nobody's going to go for that idea, though.
*Reflexive doesn't mean what it sounds like it means. It has nothing to do with
reflexes. Well, largely. Reflexivity is a term within qualitative research that means
that a qualitative research must continuously be reflective in order to be aware of
how his or her personal perspective and worldview (shaped by personal experiences)
influence his or her perception of whatever is being qualitatively researched. I
suppose this can incorporate reflexes to the extent that reflexivity should become
as natural as a reflex. But it does not mean reflexes to the extent that reflexivity
is a thoughtless, knee-jerk reaction.
Also, how in the world is "won't" the contraction for "will not"?
And, I know that punctuation comes before quotation. If you want me to explain why
I broke this rule, I can. But not right now. It's time to carve my elephant.
Hahahahaha.
and finally decided to use the word woe. I started with qualm, investigated
perturbation and scruple, explored ennui and lugubriosity, and decided on woe.
And it's still not really what I mean. What I mean is closer to anxiety, but not
the kind that includes physiological arousal. Maybe despair would be better.
PDP Despair
As I sat in front of a blank word document, trying to begin outlining my senior
reflective essay, I felt conflicted about a variety of issues - primarily two - and
decided that I would rant a bit via my blog so that my reflective essay did not
turn into a critical commentary on the nature of PDP.
So I'm going to try and get those thoughts out first, here, so that my reflections
about the effectiveness of PDP do not interfere with my reflections about MY
personal college experiences.
First and foremost, I simply do not know what to write about. It's not that I lack
material from which to draw, but it's that I am undecided about what I want to talk
about. I don't know how much information I want to dispel. I don't know just how
personal I want to get. I don't know how honest I am comfortable with being. The
solution that I settled upon in regards to this is that I will pick a few topics
for each section of my outline and simply write. Whatever happens, happens. In
short, I figure that if I write about it, I'm comfortable enough with it. And if I
don't? Then I'm not. But even so, I know that I probably won't be entirely comfortable
while I am writing it. And maybe I'll write about that.
Secondly, the four pillars of PDP are horrendous things. HORRENDOUS. HORRID. They are:
Intellectual Growth and Discovery
Citizenship and Community Responsibility
Ethical and Spiritual Growth
Emotional Maturation and Physical Health
Aside from the fact that the fourth pillar is clearly two very different categories
that are disguised as one, the pillars simply aren't helpful. To my understanding,
the whole point of PDP is to encourage people to become more reflective throughout
their day-to-day experiences and over the course of their lifetime. Okay, that's
fine, I totally agree with that. Clearly, I love being reflective (and reflexive*,
for my Sociologist friends!). But the pillars aren't helpful. For a lot of reasons.
The pillars are too restrictive. There are a lot of deeply influential experiences
that I have had that don't quite fit into one of these specific pillars.
And this is more than a simple issue of having four categories that are mutually
exclusive but are not exhaustive (hello, more Sociology terms!).
SIDE NOTE: Oh my goodness something crazy just happened that I have to talk about
it now, in real time as I'm writing because it's crazy! So I requested a new laptop
charger cord because my cord is becoming frayed and doesn't always make a connection.
I'm currently at work at the library and I guess there was static buildup in the
carpet or something because I heard a sound like a crinkly plastic after-dinner
mint wrapper and looked down to realize that the somewhat frayed section had minor
sparks! SPARKS, YOU GUYS. So, my laptop is now unplugged and I will definitely be
keeping it asleep and unplugged overnight and while it is unattended, so as not to
start any fires. Goodness! ANYWAY.
It doesn't just bother me that these four categories are not exhaustive. It primarily
bothers me that I feel tied down to these pillars. Okay, so PDP is supposed to help
us be reflective. Awesome. The problem is that, even if someone is usually reflective
throughout his or her day, those reflections are not going to be couched in terms
of these four pillars. Instead, such ongoing and spontaneous (reflexive*, perhaps?)
reflections are going to be couched in terms that are broader so that these new
lessons can be broadly applied to life in general.
I would argue that people are naturally reflective beings. Placing them into boxes,
pigeon-holes, and tracks or tying them to pillars goes against this natural flow.
P. George would probably agree with me. He's talked about increasing freedoms because
he believes that truer learning is possible in an environment that has greater freedom.
PDP will probably mostly die in the next year or two, but I wish it wouldn't. It
needs restructured, which has happened poorly in the past two years. PDP simply
needs more freedom. As P. George admitted, many students will absolutely squander
this freedom. But what about the ones who won't?
What about the ones who won't?
Also, I think it would be REALLY most effective if students had to write a reflective
essay at the end of each semester. That way, they could reflect about each course
instead of having to choose at the end of their four years. It would also be a better
way to see semester-to-semester shifts and changes and to make connections across
semesters. Nobody's going to go for that idea, though.
*Reflexive doesn't mean what it sounds like it means. It has nothing to do with
reflexes. Well, largely. Reflexivity is a term within qualitative research that means
that a qualitative research must continuously be reflective in order to be aware of
how his or her personal perspective and worldview (shaped by personal experiences)
influence his or her perception of whatever is being qualitatively researched. I
suppose this can incorporate reflexes to the extent that reflexivity should become
as natural as a reflex. But it does not mean reflexes to the extent that reflexivity
is a thoughtless, knee-jerk reaction.
Also, how in the world is "won't" the contraction for "will not"?
And, I know that punctuation comes before quotation. If you want me to explain why
I broke this rule, I can. But not right now. It's time to carve my elephant.
Hahahahaha.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
