I seem like an easily-stressed individual. Am I?
I've been reflecting on this recently and my theory is that my occasional
panic attacks are less about me being easily-stressed and more about my
average stress tolerance being lower than the average person.
In regards to school, anyway. So far.
[] Addendum: I worded that poorly. My occasional panic attacks are less
about me being easily-stressed and more about my average "stress" level
being higher than the average person. See, it's not so much about tolerance
as it is about how much more seriously I take things than the average person,
which causes a higher average level of "stress" in my life. I am placing
stress in quotation marks because, to me, this average (my normal) level of
"stress" isn't really stress. It's just an increased seriousness about life.
In regards to school, this increased seriousness is what makes me appear to
be easily-stressed. Oh, so many words for such a simple concept! I wish I
could draw a diagram here! []
I had this epiphany while I was sitting in Qualitative class on Monday, very
close to having a panic attack in the middle of class. My panic attacks start
with a tingly feeling, which leads to shaking. After that comes shallow breathing
and, at the very worst, a full-fledged sob session. :)
(I wholeheartedly believe that the occasional panic is okay and that it's not
detrimental to my emotional health. Rather, it is quite the opposite. Every once
in a while, I allow myself to experience a panic attack so that I can release the
stress that has built up inside of me in order to move on and focus on what needs
to be done (usually some kind of schoolwork).)
So, I was sitting in Qualitative class on Monday, very close to having a panic
attack. Why? I have handled the course well so far, acing every assignment to the
fullest definition of "acing." Why was I panicking about our next assignment?
My school-related panic attacks stem from the fact that I am more committed, more
dedicated, and more interested in school than the average student.
I like school.
I like to learn.
Because of this, school is important to me.
(Hm. I wrote about how my homeschooled life illustrated the importance my parents
place on education and this value was consequently instilled in me. Homeschooling
made school important to me. And school being important to me has made me more
concerned with school than the average student.)
I take school more seriously than the average student.
This is the root of the problem. Problem, not so much, but this is the root.
Because I take school more seriously than the average student, when a teacher
fear-mongers and insists that the students take the class/assignment/project
very seriously, I take this advice to heart.
But the problem is that, with my above average level of school-seriousness, when
I take a teacher's serious fear-mongering to heart, my commitment to school becomes
too high above average.
This is when stress ensues and a panic attack is likely to occur.
I wonder if and how anything will change, now having realized this. Hm.
Hm. Hm hm hm. Hm hm hmhmhm. :)